Common Sense Conspiracy is not known for innovation, but now that the FDA is considering lowering the age restriction on the infamous “morning after” pill to 15 years of age and making it readily available over-the-counter, we think it needs to go even further.
Why not just put it in the restroom in the little vending machine that dispenses tampons? Hell, let’s put it in the men’s restroom too. Right beside the condoms can be the “morning after” pill. You know, just in case of a catastrophic failure, you are always ready. Everyone needs a “morning after” pill in their wallet, just in case of accidental impregnation. Happens all the time, and there’s absolutely no reason to let that little indiscretion ruin your life for years on end. The real indiscretion is not having sex and getting pregnant unintentionally; the indiscretion is not having the foresight to have a “morning after” pill in your back pocket in case things go south.
You know, it’s like abortion, but quicker and easier. As a matter of fact, spread the word to the children. Attention 15-year-old’s everywhere… don’t bother even trying to avoid unwanted pregnancies… who needs a condom? Sex it up. You can always pop one of these little aspirins at the end of the night and make sure you are covered. And if you were too blitzed from alcohol and drugs to remember to take it before you bed down, you can still catch it in the morning. No worries.
Why even have condoms? Oh yeah, there is that pesky thing about sexually-transmitted diseases, but I’m sure every little girl that has a “morning after” pill is known for making good, sound, educated decisions before doing things like that. I mean, the “morning after” pill is only for that rogue situation when things go wrong… you know, when you are fifteen and having sex and the condom breaks. That’s when you need your over-the-counter murder pill…for those situations that no one can predict. I mean, you can’t know when you decide to have sex at fifteen years of age with someone hopefully somewhere near your age range (because society really frowns on it when you are having sex with someone a lot older than you…that’s a damn crime!) that you might be doing something that could have repercussions throughout your life. You couldn’t possibly be held responsible for your actions at that age, even though if you murdered someone, you would most likely be tried as an adult.
Oh wait… that’s exactly what you did in this case. Murdered someone.
Good job, FDA. Good job America. Now, you can murder over the counter. But you have to sign your name and address to get pseudoephedrine.