“Saw” Comes to Real Life — Man Saws Off Foot for Unemployment

Think you hate your job?

We at Common Sense Conspiracy don’t care much for working, but damn!  A man in Austria was on the verge of having his unemployment benefits cut off, so he decided to do some cutting off of his own.  Hans Url, 56 from Mitterlabill, used his handy table saw to sever his own foot from his body.  He discovered that a loophole in the unemployment benefit program would allow him to continue to receive benefits if he were disabled.  No problem.  He even thought ahead a few steps.  Concerned that there might be a possibility his foot could be surgically reattached to his body, he promptly took his foot and baked it in the oven to make sure it was done (pardon the pun).

This was no drug-induced craziness.  Police in Mitterlabill say that Url planned this way ahead.  He waited for the perfect day when his wife and son would be gone for awhile and he would be by himself.  Once he was certain he had cooked his foot enough to eliminate any chance of reattachment, he called for help.  As Url had anticipated, the doctors found that the foot was too badly burned to give any chance of reattaching it, so they sealed the wound and stabilized him.

But for all the careful planning, it turns out that Url’s efforts may have been in vain.  It turns out that the unemployment authorities don’t necessarily think being footless disqualifies Url from any kind of work.  When he recovers, he will be assessed and they will try to find a position he can be placed in where his self-inflicted handicap is not a factor.  Serious bummer for Hans Url.  Perhaps he should have taken a hand or at least some fingers as well.

It’s nice to know that America isn’t the only country with a rich supply of deadbeats.  Url often complained that he was too sick to work and was not impressed with the jobs that were offered to him.

If only he could have gotten the tasty baked foot dish to Russia, he might could have made a little extra cash on the side out of the whole incident.