BREAKING NEWS: North Korean Leader Kim Jong II Dies at 69

Kim Jong II is dead. Many of you won't find this out until morning. How can you sleep?

Media from the notoriously tight-lipped North Korean state-sponsored news has announced that Kim Jong II died of heart failure while riding on a train.  According to state media, this was due to the “great mental and physical strain” that he was enduring.  This occurred on December 17.  The news wasn’t released until a “high intensity field inspection” was performed.  An autopsy apparently revealed on December 18 that Kim Jong II is officially dead.

Kim Jong II suffered a stroke in 2008, but recent photos and videos indicated that he was vigorous and alive.  State media expressed much sadness at his passing and indicated that the nation must band together.

More news as it becomes available at Common Sense Conspiracy…