Category Archives: What’s Wrong With This World?

Need a New Cell Phone? Blender? Get Sterilized for Your Chance to Win!

In India, in a rather unconventional attempt at slowing down the growth of the population, the government is offering free prizes to those that get there baby-making machines turned off. The prizes… blenders, cell phones, and more. I guess after you get sterilized, you can use the blender to mix up a strong drink since you won’t be worrying about being pregnant.

84-Year-Old and Pregnant 19-Year-Old Pepper Sprayed in Occupy Protest — Equal Opportunity Harrassment

Meet Dorli Rainey. You're worst nightmare, Seattle PD!

In Seattle, Washington, the cops don’t play.  Or discriminate.  In a peaceful march downtown for the Occupy movement today, police decided that the crowd absolutely had to be dispersed.  And they weren’t playing favorites when they decided to use the pepper spray liberally in discouraging the crowd.  Among the victims:  84-year-old longtime activist Dorli Rainey.  After receiving a face full of pepper spray, Ms. Rainey was rushed to the hospital by her fellow protesters.  A two-month pregnant 19-year-old woman who only revealed her name as Jennifer was also among the victims who were rushed to the hospital.  And, if that isn’t enough of a sampling of the kind of lowlifes we had here, another was a priest.

Don’t worry, though, my good friends.  A spokesperson for the Seattle police was quick to explain that this was for the victim’s own good.  Never mind they were protesting peacefully and legally.  That’s beside the point.  After all, there’s nothing better on a nice autumn night than a face full of pepper spray.  Jeff Kappel of the Seattle police, upon being asked about the Rainey incident, quickly explained that pepper spray is not age specific.  “No more dangerous to someone who is 10 or someone who is 80,” Kappel said to a room of wide-open gaping mouths.  He also added, much to everyone’s relief, that Seattle police “probably wouldn’t be using pepper spray if that was the case.”  Nice to know.

On the Seattle Police blog, Kappel elaborated on things further.  According to him, pepper spray is only used when things go awry.  “Pepper spray was deployed only against subjects who

Hide yo children! They pepper spraying erybody!

were either refusing a lawful order to disperse or engaging in assaultive behavior toward officers,” Kappel said.  No word on what 4 foot 10 inch, 84-year-old Dorli Rainey was doing that was “assaultive” to the officers.

At least there will be no complaints of discrimination here.  What’s good for Grandma is good for the young’uns too.  Actually, maybe there will be complaints.  There are absolutely no reports so far of any African-Americans being pepper sprayed in the protest march.  A clearer application of the race card we have never seen.


“Gay Muhammud” is French Magazine’s Response to Firebombing

The satirical French magazine Charlie Hebdo touched a nerve with extreme Muslims after it announced that the prophet Muhammad, always a controversial figure, would be a “guest editor” for the magazine.  It even went as far as to hype the event by renaming the magazine “Charia Hebdo,” a play on the sharia law.  They knew they might turn some heads, but it was just another day for the magazine that lives and dies on the “controversy creates cash” mantra.  However, they were not ready for what would happen next.  Staff for the magazine found their offices in ruins after Islamic militants firebombed it.

You might think that staff at Charlie Hebdo might have learned their lesson on inciting the Muslim public.  However, not ones to back down in the face of a crisis, they have now replied to the attack with an even more inflammatory (pardon the pun) magazine cover.  It  features a gay Muslim man kissing another man with the inscription “L’Amour plus fort que la haine” below.  If you forgot your high school French, that is “love is stronger than hate” in English.  The cover is being frequently referred to as “Gay Muhammud” in the media.  No doubt, this will not help appease the Muslim population.

So, what’s the moral of the story here?  Poke fun at the prophet Muhammud…get bombed.  Simple enough.

Common Sense Conspiracy does not advocate irreverence toward the figures of any religion, be it Muhammud or Jesus Christ or any other.  Hopefully, this disclaimer will be enough to keep the Muslims from firebombing the one-room aluminum shed leeching Internet and power off of unsuspecting neighbors that Common Sense Conspiracy is run out of.  Please donate to our Muslim Defense Fund.