Theater of the Absurd — White House Responds to Outlandish Conspiracy Theory Involving President Obama and Mars

Really...we knew it all along...

When eventual President of the United States Barack Obama was a much younger lad, some conspiracy theorists think that he had a healthy fascination with the planet Mars and space exploration as a whole.  In fact, some of his colleagues actually say that he visited the planet twice between 1981 and 1983.

Say what?  Yeah, that’s what we said.  Remarkably, there is actually a conspiracy theory that President Barack Obama has visited the planet Mars twice already in his younger days.  This is listed as a primary reason that he quelched NASA’s plans to return to the moon in favor of going further in manned space exploration — to the Red Planet.  Who came up with this one?  Two people that claim to have firsthand knowledge that our sitting president walked on Mars.

Two former government employees have come forward with information surrounding this outlandish theory.  Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings are “chrononauts,” according to, well, themselves.  What’s a chrononaut, you say?  Good question.  They are time travelers.  Get it?  Chrononaut…chronology…

Enter DARPA.  This is the United States organization relegated to keeping the defense of the United States updates as technology advances.  In the 1970’s and 1980’s, according to Basiago and Stillings, there was a hugely successful time-travel project that allowed them to warp to Mars.  It was so prolific that the United States actually built and maintained bases on the Red Planet.  And one young, daring recruit named Barack Obama visited Mars not once but twice.  Back then, he went by the name “Barry Soetero.”  Another headache for the birth certificate searchers.

Basiago and Stillings both say that they ran into Barack Obama at secret United States installations on Mars between 1981 and 1983.  Basiago even hung out with Obama in the “jump room” as they were teleported to Mars.

“We’re here,” Basiago claims Obama said to him as they arrived at their destination.

Why were they there, you ask?  To acclimate with the life that was already there of course.  Really, that’s what Basiago said.

The White House has denied allegations that President Obama has traveled to Mars or was ever part of such a program.  But they would, wouldn’t they?  <cue the scary music>

As we like to do, we’ll let the audience decide…
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